Jaws

Hello fellow gamers, today I’m going to give you my second Halloween review and it’s the most awful, most frustrating game I’ve played in my life, based on one of Steven Speilberg’s finest motion pictures, I’m talking about the terror that LJN has titled Jaws. Honestly this game is harder than Castlevania III, but that was an awesome game, this is just madness, First I will talk about the well known LJN, supposedly LJN is infamous for making a ton of crappy video games on the early Nintendo systems, they ruined childhood icons like The X-men and Spider-man, they even had the guts to ruin Major League Baseball and National League Football, they even had to make horror movie Icons like Freddy Kruegger and Jason Voorhees look like girls at a tea party. But they even had to ruin Jaws one of the most frightening movies ever made by Mr. Speilberg himself, so lets get to the game, so far the title screen is hardly creative and it has the most awful 8-bit rendition of John Williams music so far the graphics are boring, the music is superbly bad, the sound is actually okay, and the game play is the most God awful thing in this frustrating piece of poop of a game. I’ve gotten to Jaws but never destroyed him. So far you need shells to buy stupid poop which is useless anyway so what’s the point of getting them anyway, as I was saying I got to Jaws but I never have beaten him. So far this game is awful and I dare you to play it because it’s so awful, I’m serious you’ll be haunted forever if you play this amazingly poopy game. Well there’s Jaws for you, I’ll see you next time.

Castlevania I-IV

Hello fellow gamers to a special review, for I am going to review the Castlevania trilogy on the classic NES and Super Castlevania IV on the triumphant SNES. The first castlevania game is possibly one of the hardest games of all time on the NES because of its difficulty level and energizing boss battles so far it’s one of the best games on the Nintendo Entertainment System, it’s a sweet game what can you say?, So far I’ve only made it to half of the second stage What I don’t like about this game is that when Simon Belmont gets hit he jumps back which is really annoying, also the enemies I really hate are the stupid medusa heads that float up and down on the screen so far the plot of castlevania is like if you put Conan the barbarian and Horror of Dracula together, basically the character you play as (Simon Belmont) has to destroy Dracula so he can rid all evil from his country, the sound is good for an NES game and the graphics are very decent, and the music is catchy. Castlevania II Simon’s Quest is in a completely different genre other than the first one. First of all it’s a RPG which isn’t bad but why do something like that? Second there aren’t really any stages, third and fourth most, it’s annoying and cryptic, why? Well the annoying parts can be simple things like jumping on platform but this platform has what they call pitfalls which are blocks that you fall through and to tell one block from another you need to buy holy water, also there’s the classic text box that interrupts the game play in between day and night. So far those are the annoying parts of Castlevania II and here are the cryptic parts, So far I got to a dungeon with a missing platform that I can jump on so I pick the white crystal and then the platform appears, the graphics are a lot better than the first one and that can be said for the music and the sound. The plot of Castlevania II is that after Dracula was killed in the first game his body parts were scattered in different dungeons across Transylvania and you have to collect them to destroy the curse of Dracula once and for all. Castlevania III Dracula’s curse is basically a redesigned game of the first one and is considered to be the best of the trilogy because you can play as other characters such as Grant, Sypha, and Alucard who is Dracula’s son believe it or not and the strangest thing about this game is that it is a prequel to the series in which you play as Simon’s Ancestor Trevor Belmont who fought Dracula for the first time. Considering it is the best of the Castlevania trilogy they had to make it superbly difficult. Although Castlevania III is a good game it is very similar to the first one except the difficulty is much more frustrating. Super Castlevania IV in my opinion is the best of the four games not that I don’t like the NES trilogy it’s just because the graphics and audio is amazing and its great to play a castlevania game similar to the original but just a graphical enhancement. Well there’s Castlevania I, II, III, and IV for you next time I promise I will review a bad game but it is that time of year again, no offense.

Indiana Jones' Greatest Adventures

Hello fellow gamers and welcome to the last part of Lucas-thon today I’m going to review a game similar to the super star wars trilogy except this is Indiana Jones Greatest Adventures which is some what similar to Lucas arts super star wars trilogy but the trilogy is rolled into one cartridge an JVC once again gave the game great music and sound effects nice graphics very fine control and game play, it is a great game to play and if you don’t buy/download it I’ll rip your heart out, I’m serious it’s a good game.

Super Return of the Jedi

. . . .Hello fellow gamers . . . . sigh, super return of the jedi is a good game but it is the most frustrating game I have ever played now I like this game but like I said in the first game I could only make to stage 3, in the second one I could only make it to stage 2, but in this game I’m stuck on the first stage as I said before the sound effects and music is great the game play has improved, it reminds me of batman on the NES, it’s a good game but it’s really hard. So far these game paid tribute to the trilogy and it is more classic than the arcade game it self so I have finished the star wars reviews so what’s next? Well were heading for adventure in JVC’s Indiana Jone’s greatest adventures on super Nintendo see you next time.

Super Empire Strikes Back

Hello fellow gamers to part 2 of Lucas-athon, I’m going to review the sequel Super empire strikes back, and believe it or not this one actually is frustrating, why well you start out on the ice planet like in the movie and you can choose either your light saber or blaster, and I only have made it to the 2nd level of the game, in the first one I could only make it to the 3rd level, oh well any way how is the game? Well even though it’s annoying it still has the great sounding music, and sound effects from the movies, but what about the game play? The way you move you always slip which I can gather, but its really annoying when your fighting an enemy and sometimes a mysterious force hits you, it reminds me of Indiana Jones and the last crusade by ubi soft but that game had game boy graphics and that was on the NES, the graphics to Super empire strikes back are awesome.

Super Star Wars

Hello fellow gamers, this is a special review for I’m going to review a game based on one of my favorite trilogies of all time star wars now this game is known as super star wars because it’s super awesome! Also as a bonus I will review super empire strike’s back, super return of the jedi, and two added bonuses, I’m not telling you which two they are so stay tuned, so for now let’s talk about JVC’s super star wars, so far what can I say? The music is great, the graphics are nice, the sound effects are like what they sound from the movies, and you get a variety of the side scrolling; shoot ‘em up, and 3D shoot ‘em up all in one perfectly made Super Nintendo cartridge. My advice is if you don’t buy it now you will turn to the dark side.

Virtual Bart

(sigh), Virtual Bart on Super Nintendo is the worst game I have ever played in my entire life, it’s the most phenomenally awful game for Super Nintendo ever made the sound effects are the only thing I look forward to when I play this God for saken game so any way the as I said this game has the most mind blowingly horrible choice of game play and mini games and with a title like Virtual Bart you would expect it to be a first person perspective like in doom but this is a mockery of the term “virtual”. So far the graphics are choppy the sound effects are great the game play is annoying and overall this is the most taunting game in my life, I hate it.

Jurassic Park

Hello fellow gamers, remember a movie known as Jurassic park, it was one of the movies that pushed the boundaries of film making with its neat special effects, and on the ball acting really made this movie a blockbuster so ocean software and Nintendo made a game made about one of the coolest movies ever made, and you’re probably wondering this game is probably bad, and you’re right it is bad, but let me explain how bad this is, well so far you play as that fatherly guy from the movie shooting dinosaurs and bugs with a taser bazooka and the genre is just an overhead action adventure even though I don’t know where I’m going and it takes forever to just simply shoot your gun so far the animation on everything is good and the sound effects are okay, the music just repeats itself on and on and it just makes me nauseous, overall I’d have to say that this game is adequate.

Robocop vs. The Terminator

Hello fellow gamers, remember in the 80s when Robocop and the Terminator were big hit action films of both 1984 and 1987 well in the 90s two of the biggest things were Nintendo and action films featuring big named stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger, well in 1993, Nintendo thought that they could make a game starring both Robocop and the Terminator.

With that said Robocop vs. Terminator was made, honestly when I first heard this game was real I thought this game couldn’t possibly be decent and to my surprise it was a decent game its basically like a side scrolling, platformer, and shoot ‘em up at the same time, to me I thought the graphics were nice and the sound effects sound cool, the game play was decent, and it was overall a decent game, my only complaints were that when you duck, you can’t shoot down and that makes it hard to shoot the barrels, and also you don’t get to play as the T-800, other than that the game was pretty decent. In the mean while stay tuned for more of my reviews and checkout my Halloween special coming out at you on October 31st.

Last Action Hero

Hello fellow gamers, SW gamer here to review the unreviewable, Remember in the early ‘90s when a movie known as Last action hero came out I never saw it, but from what I’ve heard It was awful, So Nintendo quickly thought that they could make a game based on this satanic tragedy of a movie, so as always Last action hero the game was made. So far you play as Jack Slater (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and the only thing you can do is punch and kick and you can only punch and kick when standing not ducking nor jumping, also the main enemies have weapons but not you, the sound effects are stupid it’s just this ugh noise and the music sounds like its rejected ‘50s bebop music.

Godzilla 2: War of the Monsters

Hello yet again Fellow readers I forgot to mention in my Godzilla monster of monsters review that there was a sequel known as Godzilla 2 War of the monsters, to me I thought this game was going to be beast, because the first one was boring, so here we go with Godzilla 2, so far the graphics are okay, but the setting is so stupid, it looks like Risk, and you don’t even play as the monsters, you’re the stupid military, that’s a good idea why don’t you make the third one a Godzilla jigsaw puzzle, if they even made a third one, because its so boring. The music is so annoying they have on the menu an option to turn it off thank God, and the sound effects again are just choppy explosions.

Godzilla: Monster of Monsters

Hello Again fellow readers, Here’s another edition of bonus review(s), today I am going to talk about a bad Godzilla game for the original Nintendo Entertainment System, First I’m Going to Review Godzilla Monster of monsters, So far the title screen is cheap because Godzilla’s covering half of the title, the graphics are okay for an NES game but the first screen of the game is like a chess board and you can only play as Godzilla (of course) and Mothra, when you move your character you go into these battle fields, Godzilla looks okay, your first bosses are Moguera and Gezora from Space Amoeba, and The Mysterians, the sound effects are just choppy explosions.

Home Improvement

Hello fellow readers, I am here to talk about one of the horrors of the early 1990s. No I am not going to talk about Full house, apparently in the ‘90s they had so many uninteresting TV sitcoms they decided “Hey why don’t we make one about house repair?” and so we got the useless show known as Home Improvement, the show I guess was about Tim Allen and this other guy trying to tell people about how to fix houses, I don’t know I never watched the show, So suddenly way over in land of the rising sun , Nintendo thought “Hey we can make a game as terrible as this American television show we know nothing about, except how horrible it is”.

Thus Home Improvement the Game was made, so you’re thinking, It can’t be that bad right? Well you’re wrong this game is like the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of Super Nintendo it’s that bad, so get out your nail gun and find out why this game is a bummer. So far the first thing I don’t like is the title screen, It’s so bland and plus have you ever heard of creativity? So far I figured that the Goal of the game is to get the stolen tools back so you can start the show.

Any way your only weapon is a staple gun, and your items are a chainsaw, and jack hammer, so far the enemies are dinosaurs…I’m not joking your playing as Tim Allen shooting dinosaurs with a staple gun trying to rescue hardware supplies, this is the most stupidest plot to a house building game, it’s like making a game called Jurassic park goes to Hawaii, it’s the most dumbest plot to a game ever. Anyway, the graphics are okay like most Super Nintendo games at the time, the sound effects are stupid, and when you jump into the air you make a farting noise. The music super stereotypical and its lousy.

Cliffhanger

Hi fellow readers today I’m going to have a guest reviewer helping me review the slowest game for the SNES based on the 1993 movie “Cliffhanger” so far the game is an exact copy of Double dragon because of the Similar control scheme and the power to pick up enemy weapons but my friend Liam here will tell you more about how this game is the most unoriginal game we have ever played.

Liam: The graphics were okay, the control was pretty stiff, and it was really slow. It would be like playing Mortal kombat on an Atari 2600.The sound effects would jump at moments, for example when you kick an enemy it takes like a couple of seconds for the enemy to grunt after being punched/kicked.

To me the graphics look like if you were watching a you tube video in awful quality. The sound was mediocre to me and the Enemies look like Steven Seagul and Jean Claude Van Damme. Overall it’s a choppy arcade game, that’s all there is to it, the only port of this game I liked was the Game boy port believe it or not.

Godzilla: Kaijuu Daikessen

This Game is Incredible, it’s phenomenal, it’s amazing, spectacular, astounding, and one of the best games I have ever played in my entire life!!!!!!! Only one problem… it was only released in Japan, that is my only complaint is that it should have been released here in America instead of just in Japan, so if you enjoy spending 30 bucks on game consoles Its definitely worth the time to download it or buy it. its worth it to play this epic Giant-Monster Tournament Fighter with the cost only being 25 bucks plus shipping or 23 bucks plus shipping on Ebay, but it is definitely worth the while my friends, definitely worth the while. Get it now!

Jim Power:The Lost Dimension in 3-D, Bill Laimbeer’s Combat Basketball, Bubsy in Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind

Today I have a three-in-one review of some of the stupidest games for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System.

The first game I’m going to rant about is a game known as “Jim Power: The lost dimension in 3-D” so far the game is pretty dull to me and the thing that is 3-D about it is the back round, nothing else, so far it has the gun from bionic commando which shoots glowing Bat-A-Rangs and the guy you’re playing as looks like the guy from the cover of 3-D world runner, so far it is somewhat of a rip off but to me it is somewhat decent.

The next game I’ll be talking about is “Bill Laimbeer’s combat Basketball”, Do I even have to reference it to other games? Why not! So far it reminds me of Mutant league hockey for the Sega Genesis and Brutal sports football for the Atari Jaguar except if you took the fun away from those classic games, Other than that it’s okay.

Now the grand finale for the most dullest, most boring game I have ever played/seen I present to you ladies and gentlemen, “Bubsy in: Claws encounters of the furred kind” watch Spielberg movies much? Oh well so far this game is boring, in the loosest form of the word, it is stupid, why? Well in my opinion who would want to play as a cat who wears a t-shirts and does nothing but step on pixilated Muppets while collecting yarn balls and more t-shirts, so far it’s the most boring game I’ve ever played in my entire life. Meanwhile stay tuned for more of my reviews and watch out for my Halloween special coming October 31st.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time

Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God!!!!!!!! This game is the @#!% It is the greatest friggin’ game anyone has ever played or will play. Did you have a bad day at the office? Then this game is for you! (Besides Rampage) like beating the Ever loving crap out of people you hate? Then this game is for you you you and you only dude!! I’m serious man this game is awesome, don’t believe me? Buy it, buy it now before any other high jacker steals it from you it is that powerful of a game. There can be no words said to describe how fantastic this masterpiece is. Only two things to say,#1 is that God bless Konami for making the most greatest games on the friggin’ face of the planet, #2 DON’T JUST STAND THERE, GO GO GO GO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUY IT, DOWNLOAD IT, DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO GET THIS RADICAL BEAST OF A GAME, DON” LISTEN TO ME! RUN!RUN!RUN!GO!GO!GO! GET OUT OF THERE GET IT NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Batman Games

Today I’m going to review a bunch of games based on one of my favorite super heroes of all time the dark knight himself Batman.

First I’m going to talk about the NES game by Sunsoft in 1989; so far you get three different weapons first you get the bat-a-rang which can instantly come back but you still loose ammunition when you use it, second you get the gun that shoots rockets which is cool, and third you get three way fire ninja stars which can take out enemies in two hits. You also get a Ninja Gaiden style wall jump which is awesome. The bo0ss battles are lengthy but it all pays off if you beat the Joker at the end, so far its really hard and really fun like most Sunsoft games like Blaster Master, Festers Quest, and Gremlins 2, also there was a Game boy port which was nothing like the NES game.

Batman looks like a midget and he shoots exploding super balls, so far I’ve got up to Jack Napier you have to shoot him in the head in order to beat him but the thing is he can shoot in any direction and can kill you in just four shots of gun fire, but you can only shoot forward and you jump like your in an anti-gravity zone, its so annoying you’re always going to die and so far as I know there are no game genie codes and you just have to get lucky. Overall it’s a good game.

Next came the game I like in particular based on the sequel known as Batman Returns the super Nintendo version is like turtles in time and also being that it was mad by Konami at the time it’s a great game. The Sega genesis version was stupid that’s all I’m going to say. The NES version was laughable. There was supposedly to be a version for Game boy but it was made in 1991 even though the film didn’t come out until a year later. From what I heard Nintendo was impatient because Warner bros. were taking there sweet time with the sequel so Nintendo made up there own sequel known as Batman: Return of the Joker. What followed was one of the most mediocre sequels to a decent game you only get a grappling hook and bat-a-rang besides the game is okay. Then there was the most confusing and mind numbing sequels to follow batman forever for the Sega game gear so far you only beat up two guys and then nothing.